La Tristesse

CORNY 
And now, live, from the certified up-to-code Baltimore Eventorium... 
...for the first time ever on nationwide television... 
it's The Corny Collins Spectacular...

COUNCIL GIRLS
He's Corny!!

CORNY
...brought to you by Ultra Clutch Hairspray!

CORNY (& ENSEMBLE) 
What gives a girl 
Power and punch? 
Is it charm, is it poise? 
No, it's hairspray! 

What gets a gal 
Asked out to lunch 
Is it brains, is it dough? 
No, it's hairspray! 

If you take a ride 
With no can at your side 
Then your flip will be gone 
With the wind 

But if you spray it and lock it, 
You can take off in a rocket 
And in outer space 
Each hair will be in place 

Why take a chance 
When you get up and dance 
If you twist, i insist 
You use hairspray 

And tell your mother 
Her head she should smother 
With "ultra-clutch" faithfully

So if you're a redhead, 
A blonde or brunette 
Just take my advice 
And you might just get 
The only thing better than hairspray

CORNY 
That's me! 

ENSEMBLE 
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya 
Doo-dle-e-ya do wah 

CORNY 
Forget the milkman 
The only thing better than hairspray 

ENSEMBLE 
Hairspray! Wow! 

CORNY 
That's me! 

CORNY & ENSEMBLE 
What makes a man 
Reach out and touch? 
Ultra clutch! 

CORNY & ENSEMBLE 
So if you're a redhead, 
A blonde or brunette 
Just take my advice 
And you might just get 

CORNY
The only thing better than hairspray 
That's me!

ENSEMBLE
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya 
Doo-dle-e-ya do wah

COUNCIL GIRLS
He's Corny Collins!

CORNY
The only thing better than hairspray

ENSEMBLE
Hairspray! Wow!

CORNY
That's me!

ENSEMBLE
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya do wah 
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya do wah! 
Do wow!

CORNY
"Hey, baby, you look like you could use a stiff one!"

BRENDA
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya-do do wah!!!!